Is a question that I get at least a few times every year. Now, never having been pregnant, this is quite annoying to me. Do I look heavy? Is it how I dress? Do I look like I've been throwing up all morning? Is a positive pregnancy test stuck to the back of my jeans? I have asked myself all these questions (and then some) every time it happens. The last time this happened, the question a random guy asked me was slightly different in that he asked how long ago I had my baby (as I was walking my dog down the street.) My mind didn't even know where to begin feeling insecure and I still can't fathom that one. And yet, people wonder why I hover on the border of being agoraphobic. However, for as much as I get the "are you pregnant" questions, my friends who ARE or have been pregnant get comments which are just as annoying. I have been witness to such classics as, "Are you having twins?", "You must be due any day!" and "OMG you are so BIG!" Sometimes they have even been asked these questions, in the months AFTER delivery. God, I wish I were kidding.
I'm not even sure how to address the issue of strange people inappropriately TOUCHING women's bellies! And yes, someone has touched my stomach before whilst asking when I was due. "Sorry, not pregnant, I just ate a dozen bagels...whole. Now please remove your hand because I won't hesitate to cut you." I never even touch a close friend or family member's belly who is pregnant without asking first. There is one sure rule for all of humanity to be aware of and that is to NEVER, EVER comment or ask someone about their pregnancy unless you have received 100% confirmation via phone call, text, Facebook status, baby shower invitation or are witnessing the actual head of a baby emerging! (I don't know how you would stumble on that last scenario but hey, anything can happen.) And even then, avoid the comments unless they have everything to do with how beautiful that pregnant woman looks or to find out how she is feeling.
Here is an article called 7 Clever Comebacks to Rude Pregnancy Comments. Another article dispenses clever comeback advice for someone who is not pregnant but is often confused for someone who is.. It's a Muffin Top, Not a Baby Bump. Now Leave Me Alone!
Next time I will be armed and ready with "Oh no, that's not a pregnant glow. I'm just super attractive. Thanks for noticing!" Followed by a mental picture of smashing that person in the face with a pillowcase full of lemons. I am pretty sure that's where they get the saying, "When life gives you lemons, smash them in your enemy's face to make lemonade!"
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